Friday, March 21, 2003
Today I write this while playing a little game with myself.
You see, I have to piss so bad that my teeth ache. Yet, I want to get this down in here before I leave work cuz Lord knows I won’t be able to write again tonight. What with the HUGE plans I have. I mean, making dinner and watching movies. Now those are plans that are unparalleled to anything anyone else is doing.
Man I’m a pathetic loser.
SO! Instead of going out last night, Kelly, Paul and I sat in his apartment and had a few drinks while watching the war coverage. It wasn’t really the BEST time I have ever had, but it was nice to be able to get a few things off my chest. I think that Kelly felt the same way too. We were all able to discuss the different aspects of what is going on around us and I know that after all was said and done, I felt much better having released some of the tension that had been building in me throughout the day. Eventually Kelly fell asleep on the couch and I made the mistake of telling Paul’s roommate, Jen, that “one time I sucked a dick so big that it was almost impossible to breathe”. I come out of Jen’s bedroom having made this ridiculous comment, and Paul is scowling at me from the kitchen. I was immediately pissed that he was turning our easy night into yet another fight filled extravaganza.
And that’s what it became as we argued for at least an hour.
He was mostly pissed that I wouldn’t go out with him and get drinks. It was his one night off and he wanted to spend it in a skank bar. I have no problem drinking and staying home. It’s more comfortable, much cheaper, and easy. But Paul bitched about staying in all night long. Eventually we ate some cereal and climbed into bed. I didn’t want to fight with him and eventually I just gave up trying to explain myself and my big mouth.
He called me this morning to tell me how much he missed me. So no hard feelings, I guess. I told him that we would go out late tomorrow night to make up for last night. He seemed pretty happy about that. I was just glad that he shut his fat head up for once. LAMESKI.
Oooh! The piss is creeping out the slit of my dick now. Ok phew. I just clenched my dick shut with my fingers. I think I bought myself some more time.
Gosh, totally at a loss as to what to write today. My night was pretty uneventful, I don’t feel like discussing the war anymore, and I don’t have diarrhea. What else do I usually write about? I have had to resort to discussing my urine. Man, why would anyone want to sit down and read this nonsense?
oh yeah, cuz I’m hot.
Alright, I will tell a story.
Here we go…
One time, when I was like 16 years old, one of my family members got the Saved By the Bell board game. Now of course I LOVED this TV show and watched it religiously until I turned 22 years old. The only reason I stopped watching it at that point is because they began showing it during the day when I was at work. And I just don’t DO the “New Class”. I mean, give me a break cuz I sure need one. (man, I still miss Nell Carter pretty bad)
SO! I was incredibly in love with AC Slater. Cuz dayim what a body he had. Well, in the board game, all of the different cast members had their own photo cards: Jessie, Lisa, Zack, Screech, Kelly, and Slates all had like 3 different photos. One of Slater’s photos was with him with his shirt off. All beefed up and ready to take me home to fuck me, or so I fantasized.
Well, I ended up stealing this photo of AC and I hid it under my mattress in my bedroom. I would pull it out every once in awhile and stare at it longingly. (oh god, am I really telling this story?) One day, as I sat staring at the picture of AC, I decided to masturbate to the picture. I laid down on my bed and pulled out my cock and balls. I began jerking and jerking and imagining Slater picking me up in his arms and carrying me to his big bed where he would most likely get me pregnant. hahahahaha. My baby would have had a jerry curl.
So as I am jerking feverishly on my bed, the door to my room suddenly swings open so fast and so abruptly that I yelped and sat up trying to hide the fact that I was jerking off. My dad stands there looking at me and IMMEDIATELY swings the door shut. Silence. My eyes grow SO WIDE and my heart starts beating out of my chest. A few more seconds pass and then I hear my dad’s quiet little voice outside my bedroom door.
“Joe, do you know what you would like for dinner?” Dad says.
“Oh, er…um..(MY GOD WHAT HAS HAPPENED!!!)…I don’t know. Whatever you are making….” I reply.
“Well, do you want corn or peas with your steak?” Dad tries again.
“Oh gosh, um, you see, I…uh (FUCKING LEAVE!!!), well…corn!” I say.
“But I thought you liked peas better?” Dad says.
“FINE PEAS! FINE! I’LL EAT WHATEVER YOU MAKE!” Me totally exasperated
“Ok…” Dad says.
----SILENCE for a couple more seconds----
“Are you okay in there?” Dad says
(IS HE FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!?) “YES! I am fine! I am just kind of tired!” I say.
“Okay then. Be ready for dinner in 15 minutes.” Dad says.
“Yeah, sure dad.” I say while trying to possibly think of a way to leave my home and never return.
My dad walks down the hallway and returns to the kitchen. I sat there stunned and shocked with my pants down around my ankles and my knees huddling against my chest. Did my dad actually just catch me masturbating??
DID HE?!?! And did he see me clutching the AC Slater photo card while doing it??!!?!?!
I decided to finish masturbating. Cuz at this point, I needed to finish what I had started.
After I cleaned up my jizz, I joined my family for dinner. My face was beat red, but no one said anything. My dad did look at me a little funny for a couple of days, but I think eventually he forgot that it had happened. About a year ago, I brought up the incident to him and he says that he doesn’t remember catching me masturbating. But he does remember walking in on me while I was rolling around on my bed naked. I reminded him that I was NOT NAKED and also that I obviously was masturbating. His reply was: “Well, I don’t know WHAT you were doing, but it sure was weird.”
And that’s that.
I can assure you that from that point on, I became much more careful about when and where I decided to make love to myself.
This story has not been elaborated on or exaggerated in any way. I am really this big of a loser.
But hot. Always hot. Never forget that I am hot. WINKLES!
aRdios!
TIME TO PISS! YAY I WON THE GAME!
You see, I have to piss so bad that my teeth ache. Yet, I want to get this down in here before I leave work cuz Lord knows I won’t be able to write again tonight. What with the HUGE plans I have. I mean, making dinner and watching movies. Now those are plans that are unparalleled to anything anyone else is doing.
Man I’m a pathetic loser.
SO! Instead of going out last night, Kelly, Paul and I sat in his apartment and had a few drinks while watching the war coverage. It wasn’t really the BEST time I have ever had, but it was nice to be able to get a few things off my chest. I think that Kelly felt the same way too. We were all able to discuss the different aspects of what is going on around us and I know that after all was said and done, I felt much better having released some of the tension that had been building in me throughout the day. Eventually Kelly fell asleep on the couch and I made the mistake of telling Paul’s roommate, Jen, that “one time I sucked a dick so big that it was almost impossible to breathe”. I come out of Jen’s bedroom having made this ridiculous comment, and Paul is scowling at me from the kitchen. I was immediately pissed that he was turning our easy night into yet another fight filled extravaganza.
And that’s what it became as we argued for at least an hour.
He was mostly pissed that I wouldn’t go out with him and get drinks. It was his one night off and he wanted to spend it in a skank bar. I have no problem drinking and staying home. It’s more comfortable, much cheaper, and easy. But Paul bitched about staying in all night long. Eventually we ate some cereal and climbed into bed. I didn’t want to fight with him and eventually I just gave up trying to explain myself and my big mouth.
He called me this morning to tell me how much he missed me. So no hard feelings, I guess. I told him that we would go out late tomorrow night to make up for last night. He seemed pretty happy about that. I was just glad that he shut his fat head up for once. LAMESKI.
Oooh! The piss is creeping out the slit of my dick now. Ok phew. I just clenched my dick shut with my fingers. I think I bought myself some more time.
Gosh, totally at a loss as to what to write today. My night was pretty uneventful, I don’t feel like discussing the war anymore, and I don’t have diarrhea. What else do I usually write about? I have had to resort to discussing my urine. Man, why would anyone want to sit down and read this nonsense?
oh yeah, cuz I’m hot.
Alright, I will tell a story.
Here we go…
One time, when I was like 16 years old, one of my family members got the Saved By the Bell board game. Now of course I LOVED this TV show and watched it religiously until I turned 22 years old. The only reason I stopped watching it at that point is because they began showing it during the day when I was at work. And I just don’t DO the “New Class”. I mean, give me a break cuz I sure need one. (man, I still miss Nell Carter pretty bad)
SO! I was incredibly in love with AC Slater. Cuz dayim what a body he had. Well, in the board game, all of the different cast members had their own photo cards: Jessie, Lisa, Zack, Screech, Kelly, and Slates all had like 3 different photos. One of Slater’s photos was with him with his shirt off. All beefed up and ready to take me home to fuck me, or so I fantasized.
Well, I ended up stealing this photo of AC and I hid it under my mattress in my bedroom. I would pull it out every once in awhile and stare at it longingly. (oh god, am I really telling this story?) One day, as I sat staring at the picture of AC, I decided to masturbate to the picture. I laid down on my bed and pulled out my cock and balls. I began jerking and jerking and imagining Slater picking me up in his arms and carrying me to his big bed where he would most likely get me pregnant. hahahahaha. My baby would have had a jerry curl.
So as I am jerking feverishly on my bed, the door to my room suddenly swings open so fast and so abruptly that I yelped and sat up trying to hide the fact that I was jerking off. My dad stands there looking at me and IMMEDIATELY swings the door shut. Silence. My eyes grow SO WIDE and my heart starts beating out of my chest. A few more seconds pass and then I hear my dad’s quiet little voice outside my bedroom door.
“Joe, do you know what you would like for dinner?” Dad says.
“Oh, er…um..(MY GOD WHAT HAS HAPPENED!!!)…I don’t know. Whatever you are making….” I reply.
“Well, do you want corn or peas with your steak?” Dad tries again.
“Oh gosh, um, you see, I…uh (FUCKING LEAVE!!!), well…corn!” I say.
“But I thought you liked peas better?” Dad says.
“FINE PEAS! FINE! I’LL EAT WHATEVER YOU MAKE!” Me totally exasperated
“Ok…” Dad says.
----SILENCE for a couple more seconds----
“Are you okay in there?” Dad says
(IS HE FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!?) “YES! I am fine! I am just kind of tired!” I say.
“Okay then. Be ready for dinner in 15 minutes.” Dad says.
“Yeah, sure dad.” I say while trying to possibly think of a way to leave my home and never return.
My dad walks down the hallway and returns to the kitchen. I sat there stunned and shocked with my pants down around my ankles and my knees huddling against my chest. Did my dad actually just catch me masturbating??
DID HE?!?! And did he see me clutching the AC Slater photo card while doing it??!!?!?!
I decided to finish masturbating. Cuz at this point, I needed to finish what I had started.
After I cleaned up my jizz, I joined my family for dinner. My face was beat red, but no one said anything. My dad did look at me a little funny for a couple of days, but I think eventually he forgot that it had happened. About a year ago, I brought up the incident to him and he says that he doesn’t remember catching me masturbating. But he does remember walking in on me while I was rolling around on my bed naked. I reminded him that I was NOT NAKED and also that I obviously was masturbating. His reply was: “Well, I don’t know WHAT you were doing, but it sure was weird.”
And that’s that.
I can assure you that from that point on, I became much more careful about when and where I decided to make love to myself.
This story has not been elaborated on or exaggerated in any way. I am really this big of a loser.
But hot. Always hot. Never forget that I am hot. WINKLES!
aRdios!
TIME TO PISS! YAY I WON THE GAME!
